creating a space for nuanced living
Blog
Dec 17th, 2013
Living and dying into grief
I find the places to relinquish the agreements (the beliefs) that have bound my body. I break those agreements. I break them. I welcome love into my body in those spaces, in those places. God’s love flows in. I gasp shuddering; is that a woman/baby’s breath? I am small. Unknowing. I let go. I create no resistance with my body or muscles. Firing a muscle comes later. Right now I relinquish, I...
Dec 3rd, 2013
My practice edge
Is my self care strong enough to let others struggle? This is at the center of my life. This is at the center of my unfoldment, my letting myself out. This takes everything I got, and then some. Breathe, here. Bring it forward. Live some more. Allow again. It shifts. This is how it does.
Nov 25th, 2013
Mystery
There’s something happening in spite of myself. From here it feels like an inversion; the exact opposite of everything I know and do. I do not know anything. I see what I’ve been doing; and I want to tell the child to stop, that project is done, you don’t have to do that anymore. Is it normal for this to feel like failure? Would it make sense to say that spiritual opening feels like going...
Nov 19th, 2013
Ending
I am done figuring things out. I’ve twisted & I’ve turned. I’ve devoted my whole conscious life to figuring things out. I note today that I’ve hit that wall for the last time. It’s a wrong way. At least without awareness. Understanding be damned. I step into being a witness. That is what’s left. A kind witness. I’ve struggled enough.
Nov 8th, 2013
Learning how to be simple
I am facilitating grief groups. I also benefit from the amazing presence of those in my life. They teach me what it is to grow through their energy, and I am learning what it is to support others through the lineage I experience. The presence that heals me: – Can they stay patient? – Can they stay with me in whatever I have in front of me, knowing it is an absolutely essential part of what is...
Oct 18th, 2013
Bittersweet
When I would ground, breathe into the feet, pelvis, shoulders, balancing front to back.. I would feel only anger. How funny? Isn’t this when I am supposed to feel relaxed and at ease. I clung for so long I thought ‘people’ had kept me from myself I am angry and let down continuously But my anger was MY karma My loss from me Chosen before I even had a choice Now, however, my choice is to let it go into...
Oct 18th, 2013
Woman as mother-hood
There is no one else to cling to, just me This is the only way to let go into love. and to be there for my daughter truly.
Oct 17th, 2013
The Shift
I am at the stage of starting my content… Feel the opening and its pressure Allow & watch the river turn
Oct 13th, 2013
The River
I feel the river change its course. The river I have been navigating in. It turned the other way. But first, it is just a swirling eddy. A swirling eddy. How many of us can handle that? .. really? And then… A riverway carved out by a life-long flow in one direction Who is ready for living from that place? Together. Alive, unknown.
Oct 13th, 2013
The Floor
I have always used every ounce of energy returned, to expand… I have never allowed myself ~ to stop, go deeper, force myself to be still, and build my floor. So much fear to contact, deeply contact. Press the energy down into my belly, my feet. Watch my whole world change. Around motherhood. As feminine.
Aug 2nd, 2013
Finding her
I am a vast midwesterner. I am a woman who has always resided in the grey. I am playful, fun, tricky, creative When I am relaxed. I have been confused about these aspects of myself for a long time. The first, confused/ashamed. The second, denied, fear of grief and lack of companionship. The third, I didn’t allow myself enough: too busy seeking something. Somehow letting go of all I wanted (didn’t...
Jul 16th, 2013
Unraveling
This quote sticks: “At first you understand the world and you don’t understand yourself. Then you understand yourself and you don’t understand the world.” Its a weird place to be. Especially, when you are in between both. What is me, what is others? At least in how I understood it, most of my life, the defended body of ‘me’, its not clear. I find people I know increasingly...
Jun 25th, 2013
Create a Clearing
Do not try to save the whole world or do anything grandiose. Instead, create a clearing in the dense forest of your life and wait there patiently, Until the song that is your life falls into your own cupped hands and you recognize and greet it. Only then will you know how to give yourself to this world so worth of rescue. ~a poem by Martha Pstlewaite.
Jun 4th, 2013
Stillness
What is it to get to a really intense stillness and still have to go deeper? Go where you think there is nothing? Where you think you can’t do it It will be too empty You’ll have nothing left I’ll be invisible I’ll disappear But you go there anyway this time And you see the little, little things that grow in those places The little experiences that you never would have had otherwise You find...
Jun 3rd, 2013
Just different.
One day you just sit and sit and sit. And one day you begin to heal. You don’t know why. It just starts to feel different.
May 20th, 2013
The second half of your life
Have you reached a point when you realize your ability for joy is nearly entirely determined by your capacity to let go? You find the only way to have joy is to let go – your ability to accept, do acceptance, forgive, grieve, let go into what’s impossible – is your only path for joy. A mystery.
Sep 12th, 2012
Early Morning
“A glimpse is not the same as stepping into it.”
Aug 19th, 2012
Paradox II
Its funny how paradoxes make so little sense to our ‘head’; but when we feel them in our body, it captures so much of what we could never say. Wholeness in our real and living lives, is the living breathing unfolding experience of paradox. Give up to gain Let go to find Embrace your darkness to know joy Let it die to find love Be alone to find all Find yourself in hopelessness Do nothing to change The me is...
Aug 19th, 2012
Feeling our moment
It is amazing how discounting pain is. It seems no one in the world could be like you, arriving here. No one in the world could experience what you are being asked to walk into. True. Nothing is more personal than this. But nothing could be more communal. Nothing could be more where I understand you, and you, me. You don’t know it yet; or maybe you do… Its the path to grace. To unconditional...
Jul 9th, 2012
Self-Acceptance
Would you think I am crazy if I said that radical self-acceptance is found in hopelessness? Spending all of our life our actions, oriented toward moving away from. When we get to that place of what we are running from, when we arrive back here, and all we did, all our actions, all our skills, did not save use, remove us, from all that ultimately is in us. That is where we find hopelessness. There is no one to...