Living and dying into grief

I find the places to relinquish the agreements (the beliefs) that have bound my body. I break those agreements. I break them. I welcome love into my body in those spaces, in those places.

God’s love flows in. I gasp shuddering; is that a woman/baby’s breath?

I am small. Unknowing. I let go. I create no resistance with my body or muscles. Firing a muscle comes later. Right now I relinquish, I break all those agreements. I must be completely loose, flaccid, unmoving to let go.

(What my doing-driven body would never allow.)

I am like an open swirling soup pot. Dead, dying, alive. Not knowing. And accepting. Watching. All at once.

This is true not knowing. This is shedding. I am her, a girl screaming, dead and alive, in her snake skin.

Not resisting. Just in it.

Good bye.

…and… hello.

+Rebecca