Afraid of being caught up

I have been afraid to be caught up.

It takes a lot of power to step into the work I need to do when I am caught up,  on my own, and not enmeshed in other activity/people, or “things I like”.  In this space, I have to do my work, which means taking a risk.

I have been so afraid to step out of my family, and do my work.  For some reason, it never felt safe.  Like the floor wouldn’t be there if I didn’t hold it up.  But now I must put my voice out there.  Create a space of offering my services.  Getting my materials together.  To struggle and and feel safe enough to struggle on my own, with the invisible support of others.

I must trust now.  I can’t afford to stay anxious and do anything but fully trust.  Scary and uncomfortable as it is.

I trust.  I trust my family will hold my stretching.  I trust those close to me can handle my voice, even if uncomfortable.  I trust that I don’t have to be “likable”.   I trust that there will be a world for me, even if others choose to go or not understand me.

I can create, flex and use newer, younger muscles, and the world will hold.  I have no choice.  This is my life and it must come out.

And I humble myself to open my heart.