In it, for now

This is hard. This…Letting go. Getting past ‘me’.

Losing form-factors. Dropping attachments. Letting go of structures. Enticements, wants. All the stuff that ‘makes’ me feel good. If I can be bored, if I can be alone, then I can be free. I feel all the momentum & huge space it takes for me to go inward and release something new. It tectonic. No wonder…

My judgment & my body think ‘they are so small’, ‘I am wasting my time’. A firewall. To keep me here. ‘How could I possible stop, throw it all away, give up so much, just to release something so small.’ The fire I have to be in, in the middle of, grapple with, all right now to allow a change. I feel it…

A deception from my truer nature. This does not come from paying attention to others or things outside. But, shoot, I AM attached. I am ripping apart and smoldering in it.

This stuff is really up. We contemplate moving somewhere much smaller. My opportunity to be walking in Can I do it?

Slowness it takes to discover and release what is really in me. It is painful. And I am in it.