Getting a new front page…. Arriving at enjoying (in-joy)

When I started making the website, I knew wanted a “Making the Studio Tab”, but who knew it would take 1.5 yr to get back to what inspired me: representing the joy of things that spark quiet beauty, a place for calm excitement.

In the last year and a half, I budded off many categories I wanted: a place for funky photographs (today’s photo), a spot for deep learnings (thought and blog), a spot for rolling around in process (making of the studio and what goes on here). And all of that has been so satisfying.. Ahhhhhhhhhhh….

The things I like to do in my body (my thinking and creating) are finally more visible. Its refreshing and relaxing. Like I’m more here. The categories of me, have a place. Now, 1.5 yrs later, I am ready to get back what inspired it in the first place. The front page is now elements of mundane beauty in my life.

I couldn’t have done it any other way. For whatever reason, I needed all the other categories to be felt out first. Each one part of a deeply personal process, linking up to stuff in my life. Now I can feel my process and see more of who and how I “do”, and it lets me sit back, trust, more, and enjoy.

I’m ready. For the foam on top. The abundant parts. The things that give my hands that itchy feeling inside. Its how I know I am in the right place.

I had to do it slowly, painstaking… my way. Soon I will be putting more of myself on the outside. I am in this transition right now.

But I find, this is what I need most, now. Arriving at a period of just allowing myself to enjoy. Finally, the time to finish, and not be pushed quickly into the next thing. Finally, the time to feel myself and know/feel/see my process, and know that my way IS the only way. Finally, the permission (inward) to sensorize, how I know if something is right or not. Finally, the wherewithal to demand that my life see beauty around me, because that is when I know I am being me. Finally, to arrive at trust, to allow and let the in-joy and beauty seep in.

The shift mirrors other things in my life. I love these categories. But I love the category on the front the most. Arriving at the inner space to be here. I daresay, I deserve joy to be mine. I know it in my bones, now. I feel happy… and calmer.

For whatever reason, I have never been able to take basic categories of my life for granted. I have always produced them, invented the ‘whole world’ around me, far from where I was. Part of me, I guess likes grappling, sculpting, working hard in empty space. I can feel myself more. There is something familiar, authentic in this. The joy and its shadow are mine, I guess.